I don’t pretend to have anything close to a “perfect” relationship and just because I work with couples doesn’t mean I have that stuff all figured out, but I have learned a few things along the way and this is what I know to be true:
You change your partner by changing yourself. So many people come into couples therapy because they want us to “fix their partner”. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Ask yourself honestly: Are you the person you want to be in your relationship?
You are 100% responsible for your own happiness. Finding a partner is not the answer to your struggles, sadness, insecurity or misery. Stop looking for your partner to save you, complete you or make you happy. You are whole on your own and you have to do your own inner work to feel content.
If you can’t love who you are then others can’t love you either. The negative thoughts in your head about yourself spill over onto the other person and you have trouble accepting love and believing your partner's feelings about you because you don’t recognize your worth. You may fear getting attached because you think they will eventually leave.
This concept of not loving yourself is cliché and I never really got it before, but it is so clear now - when you don’t like and accept who you are, you find problems where there are none in your relationship.
So many issues (insecurities, jealousy, abandonment fears, preoccupation with others opinions) all stem from having a negative sense of self. Recognizing your worth is vitally important for inner contentment which leads to a fulfilling and healthy relationship.
If if you need help improving your self worth or would like to book a couples session please reach out to myself and my team.