Q: Why does my mind wander during sex and how can I stop it?
A: This is such a great question, thank you for asking!
Almost everyone will face this problem at some point in their lives. Human sexual interaction is complex, and it can be incredibly hard to remain present due to many factors including stress and trauma responses. Our brains are used to doing many things at once; we are constantly multitasking with smartphones, working from home and juggling many balls each and every day. We spend much of our life on autopilot. How can you come off autopilot?
To be more present during sex, there a few basic things you can do.
First, separate work and your bedroom; keep your bedroom private and inviting. This room should be used for resting and intimacy. If it looks like a bomb went off in there it is going to be a bit more challenging to stay present.
The next step is being mindful of the transition necessary to ease into sex and intimacy. Try putting your phones away, have a shower, do something to wind down. Try creating a pre-sex ritual for yourselves. And don’t forget, it’s important to have a good amount of foreplay - this is SO important as this slow lead up helps you to get into the right space mentally and physically - it’s the foundation of good sex.
As you are easing into it, practice keeping your attention on what's happening in your body and practice staying in the moment.
Let the experience unfold one moment at a time without judgement.
Teaching yourself mindfulness is made easier by engaging your 5 senses.
Practice feeling the skin.
Smell what is going on in the room.
Touch your partner’s skin, focus on your breathing.
These things will all help you feel more grounded and present.
Play music - there are many playlists already created for sex & intimacy, give it a search on Spotify or google music.
Know that it is perfectly normal for your mind to wander and the harder you are on yourself about it, the harder it will be to relax and practice these skills!
We're here if you want to talk :) Take the first step and call us for an appointment ...(506) 651-1239
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