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Would you like to feel more fulfilled sexually?

Throw out the labels and embrace the spectrum of human attraction and arousal.

Our most popular blog post ever since 2019 when I began writing this blog was my reply to a question from a reader about whether fantasizing about a same-sex encounter during sex with her husband meant she is a lesbian. This made me reflect on how differently we understand humans and their behavior than we have in the past and how doing so has led to increased acceptance and fulfillment.

When it comes to sexual attraction, it is way more broad than people realize, it is a spectrum that isn't as rigid as we were once taught. I grew up believing that people were either gay or straight, like a light switch, however we now understand that almost no one is entirely gay or straight and this fluctuates over time, as we learn more about ourselves and feel more comfortable with our emotions.

The truth is, many individuals of all genders find themselves drawn to a variety of people and sexually explicit imagery that often goes beyond what we would think or assume we would be attracted to. This fluidity is natural and normal and really speaks to the complexity of humans and their desires. I explain it like this, imagine a straight line that represents people's feelings of who they're attracted to. At one end of the line, you have people who are mostly attracted to the opposite gender. At the other end, you have people who are mostly attracted to the same gender. And in between, there are all sorts of different feelings of attraction. You move and and down this line, sometimes a little or sometimes a lot. This is expected and very normal.

When I was training in sex therapy, we were shown various types of explicit content and I was surprised by the impact on my own arousal. I learned and now teach my clients that you can explore your desires by being curious about them rather than judging them. That's how you will feel most sexually fulfilled throughout your life. By not fixating on labels and embracing what's true for you at that specific time. Be curious about things that resonate with you rather than connect it with the meaning of something larger. All feelings are valid.

I have learned personally & professionally that the people who feel most fulfilled sexually, keep an open mind and don’t judge themselves for what turns them on. Fantasies often go far beyond the confines of real life experiences, that's part of what makes them arousing. Embracing our sexuality is about being on a journey of self exploration and feeling safe enough to be honest with yourself and trusted others.

The older I get the more I learn that almost nothing is black and white, there is complexity in all things involving humans and two opposing things can be true at once. Much like how we understand mental health is a spectrum, at various points we move up and down when we are more or less well, sexuality is the same, at times we are more fluid and other times we can feel very straight. That's human nature and life. We no longer need to fit ourselves into rigid boxes around anything. You can feel aroused by something without it meaning anything concrete about yourself, your identity or your relationship.

If you need a partner in your self improvement journey, reach out to us!

~ Laura, Clinical Therapist

Call (506) 651-1239 or BOOK ONLINE

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