Here are some tidbits of wisdom I have received from the brilliant people in my life from my best friend to my business coach.
1. “You believe the answers are in someone else”
It is easy to lose trust in ourselves and think someone else has the answer to our challenges. I used to think the answers were within a book, a person, or on google. This is not true, they are always found within. Sometimes we just need a little help accessing them and understanding the bigger picture.
2. “You are right where you need to be, you just don’t like it”
When you are in the messy parts of life, it can feel like you have just jumped off a cliff and need to climb out right away, but sometimes sitting in it is what moves you out in the long term. The first inkling of hard a feeling doesn’t mean you have to run, it doesn’t mean something you are going in the wrong direction. Some things self-correct in time. Give yourself a chance.
3. “If something isn’t working, don’t do it harder”
Such a key one for people like me who like to feel in control. Control makes me feel safe and when something isn’t working well and I am spinning, it sometimes feels like it just needs more intensity or more effort. This is 99.9% of the time not true. Sometimes what it needs is to let go and trust in the universe.
4. Nothing is as urgent as it feels in the moment”
Our feelings are not evidence of truth. Emotions can overpower our rational mind and make us feel there is more urgency than is true. Our anxiety about something is often not in line with the magnitude of the problem. Stop, pause, breathe. Realign.
5. “When you explain your boundaries away you weaken them”
Boundaries are the best way to care for ourselves and live in line with who we are. boundaries will be challenged by others. Staying true to yourself in these moments will save you so much pain in the long run.
6. “Instead of trying to change parts of others around you, grow parts of yourself to meet them where they are at”
You may find yourself saying, if they just didn’t do xyz, life would be so much better. If they just didn’t have this issue, if they appreciated me, if they could see this the way I see it etc. Instead of trying to force a seed to grow, try surrendering and focus on expanding the parts of yourself that struggle to meet these people where they are at. What is in within your circle of control?
7. “You don’t take your own advice enough”
Disappoint others to help yourself. It is much easier to help others do what you know than do it myself. It is challenging and empowering to start putting yourself first.
8. “Being a great person doesn’t make you a great leader. Don’t be afraid to upset a few people to inspire many”
Willingness to have hard conversations, see your blind spots, trust in yourself and others makes a great leader…among many other things I am learning
I have always said in therapy the things we say to our clients is not usually all that profound. We provide a place for people to evaluate their mental health and take a hard look at things they may not be able to see.
I believe that hard things shouldn’t be felt alone, but in the comfort of a trusting person who can walk beside you. It begins with self-reflection, looking inward at what parts of yourself are hard to look at and starting on a healing journey.
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