Work on these 4 things to improve your relationship - and sex life!
1. Take your time and learn how to receive pleasure.
This is a big way to prevent resentment in your relationship. It is easy to distract yourself from your own sexual needs by focusing on your partner’s, which in our culture is sometimes praised.
It can be tempting to focus on your partner’s needs to remain in control, however you miss out on true intimacy. Being an active participant physically AND emotionally takes courage and communication; check in with yourself and allow your partner to know all of you, including sexually. Remind yourself you aren't a machine, it’s ok if you don’t do something perfectly.
2. Good Sex is about communication
You aren’t expected to know what your partner likes sexually, however people often try to guess or expect their partner to know there own likes and dislikes. A few questions you can use to begin the conversation with your partner:
What's one thing you would like from our sex life that you aren't getting, what stops you from asking?
What part of sex is most fun for you?
What sort of movies or books turn you on?
Nonverbal feedback is also helpful. When people get into a sexual rut it is often because they do the same things sexually and are unsure how to arouse their partner in any other way. Work together with your partner to understand this.
3. Sex is not shameful, it’s ok to admit that sex is important to you.
If you grew up in a home that was quite strict or was against sexual expression, or no one spoke about sex at all, or you had negative sexual experiences in your past, you may believe sex is unnecessary, embarrassing or even dirty.
Sometimes parents only told us the scary parts about sex such as the potential for unwanted pregnancy or diseases. There are so many beautiful things about sex that are often not taught that people are missing out on and it’s ok to talk about it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you like sex!
4. Lack of emotional connection can not be made up for with strong physical technique during sex.
Sexual parts of a relationships are not easily separated from other parts of the relationship - if you're not emotionally connected by day then this will be an issue in the bedroom at night. Sex is an opportunity to show someone how you feel about them and to share intimacy, touch, connection and strengthen a bond between two people. This bond is not measured in the quality or speed of the orgasm, it is a feeling and experience. Enjoy the journey!
Sex is an opportunity to feel good, improve your mood, reduce emotional tension, celebrate, and connect with other people. It is never too soon to learn about your own sexual feelings - don’t forget to share those feelings with your partner!
We're here if you want to talk :)
Take the first step and call us for an appointment ...(506) 651-1239
I’ll be answering another question about sex in an upcoming blog post, from the steady flow of questions I'm getting from my subscribers.
Got a sex question?
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I’ll answer as many as I can in my upcoming emails.