Many people wrote in to me about feeling pretty content in their relationships yet they find themselves not wanting to have sex (or other intimacy) with their partner very often -or not at all.
Feeling desire and cultivating a great sex life requires several key elements:
1. Communicate...about sex and your pleasure. GASP! You both need to know how the other experiences pleasure, what you like the most and what you don't like.
To make sex a priority you must talk about it - it’s very helpful to know what arouses your partner and what you yourself enjoy. It is ok to admit this, it is ok to talk about it, it's encouraged actually.
2. Touch......Couples who report the most fulfillment sexually, find themselves touching physically outside the “bedroom”. They hold hands, cuddle and kiss, even in public. They make it a point to show their partner affection.
3. They have dates where they prioritize their relationship. They don’t leave hanging out together to chance, they plan it and make it happen. They also don’t only talk about their to-do lists or what household chores need to get done. If you spend little time with your partner and most of your mental energy goes to your kids or your job, it's no wonder you don’t feel like sex very often.
4. Start by making your partner more of a priority in your mind; cultivate pleasant, fun and loving thoughts of the them- these need to exist in your mind long before you start to remove any clothing! This is known as mental preparation.
5. Be intentional about sex; if you think about it, often in the beginning of a relationship sex was always somewhat intentional, people often did personal grooming before a date or prepared in other ways for sex, in anticipation it would happen.
Next month I’ll be answering this question:
" Do you feel porn can augment a couple's sex life or destroy it?"
Got a sex question? You can ask anonymously right here. I’ll answer as many as I can in my upcoming emails.
We're here if you want to talk :)
Take the first step and call us for an appointment ...(506) 651-1239