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Any tips for monogamous couples transitioning into a more open relationship like swinging & poly?

To the reader who submitted this question, Thank You. I love writing directly to my audience and answering your questions. To submit a question anonymously click the button "Ask Laura a Sex Question" at the bottom of this email.

Transitioning from a monogamous relationship is something I have seen go well and not so well. I would first say that embarking on this journey requires very open communication, trust, and mutual consent between you and your husband.This sounds easy but it's actually very challenging and many people are not ready at the time they embark on it. It is something to discuss with him first, how do both of you feel you are doing on this front, how comfortable does he feel being open, honest and vulnerable.

I would suggest having candid conversations about your desires, boundaries, and concerns, actively listening to each other without judgment. It's important to understand why you both want to explore a more open relationship and if you have specific preferences. you can talk about the underlying emotions and motivations behind your desires, as this can provide insight into your individual needs. This often being up many emotions for people, so expecting and understanding that jealousy and insecurities will likely arise can help.

Understand the difference between the two things you mentioned:

Swinging: Swinging is when a couple, like you and your husband, decides to have sexual experiences with other people together. It's often about adding excitement and variety to your sex life while both of you are present and consent to it. It's like going on a romantic adventure as a team.

Polyamory: Polyamory is when people have multiple romantic or emotional relationships at the same time, with everyone involved knowing and agreeing to it. It's like having more than one loving partner, and it doesn't necessarily involve sexual experiences. In your case, you'd like to explore loving connections with others, even when your husband is not directly involved.

Both swinging and polyamory are about exploring different ways of connecting with others outside your main relationship, but they have different focuses. Swinging is usually more about physical experiences, while polyamory involves emotional connections with more than one person. It's important to understand what works best for both of you and what you're comfortable with. Knowledge is power in navigating these uncharted waters.

The next step if you decide to proceed is to set clear boundaries: Determine what is acceptable including scenarios, rules, and limits that make both of you feel secure and respected. Transitioning into a more open relationship should be gradual. Start with what both of you are comfortable with. If your husband is not ready for polyamory, respect his feelings and only engage in activities that involve both of you, like swinging, for now.

Continuously check in with each other about how you're feeling, what's working, and what isn't. Regular discussions can help you both navigate this transition more effectively.

Revisit and Adjust: Be open to revisiting your boundaries and arrangements over time. People change, and your feelings or desires may evolve as well. Be prepared to adapt as needed. I always remind people to also prioritize their core relationship, ensure that your connection remains strong, and that you continue to invest time and energy in nurturing it.

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