This year we saw an overwhelming amount of people struggling with their intimate relationships. Possibly because many are now spending 10x the amount of time together.
So it seems like a good time to talk about sex and the attitudes we hold in regards to pleasure and sex and how these impact our intimate relationships.
Many couples report not having sex and don’t exactly know why, because they like sex and they mostly like their partner. Having little sex in a culture that places great emphasis on this leads to a lot of upset and shame among couples.
What influences the quality & quantity of your sex life?
Your initial period of dating can set you up for unrealistic long term expectations. The amount of energy you put into your partnership ongoing is directly correlated with how great the sex is
Your comfort with communicating about sex with your partner directly impacts your level of satisfaction
When people are unsatisfied, it’s often tied back to a power struggle outside of the bedroom
The level to which you believe you deserve pleasure plays an important role in your level of satisfaction. Pleasure isn’t only a “means to an end”, but also a valuable experience. Pleasure is a core piece of a healthy sexual relationship
The media and messaging passed on from family or friends, or simply the avoidance of talking about the subject of sex, influences our beliefs about sex and our ability to experience pleasure. We may develop unconscious beliefs that guide us as adults that don't always serve us well.
I've noticed that many people facing sexual concerns or lack of satisfaction feel like they're broken or flawed. Please know that there’s a broad range of “normal” when it comes to sexual desires, sexual preferences, physical bodies, gender and sexuality but a lack of conversation around sex has many questioning what is normal or not.
Almost every "normal" couple has sex problems at times. My goal as a therapist isn’t to fix the broken parts of your sex life, but help you feel normal and find meaning in your intimate relationship. If any of the influencing factors above speak to you, send me a note, I can help.