As a therapist who has specialized the last few years on working with couples and training in sex therapy, I have noticed a startling theme; couples are emotionally disconnected and are having little physical intimacy.
Many admit to purposely checking out mentally during sex due to reasons ranging from body image concerns, past trauma, confusion, anxiety, wondering if one’s partner is enjoying it etc.
Sex requires your attention, and attention brought to your relationship leads to better communication and greater happiness. When we focus on having mindful sex it takes the pressure off “performing”. Sex has traditionally been presented as hierarchical.... complete steps 1 through 4 and then you will orgasm together, and it should be AMAZING. Not often the reality.
Mindfulness practices can play a powerful role in improving your desire for sex and increasing the enjoyment factor for you. Start by quieting the mind, pay attention to the context of the room and limit distractions around you, namely your phones!
Mindful sex has no goals. Remind yourself to accept whatever you feel in the moment as you are. It is ok to just “be”. You and your partner make the rules, you purposely reject what society tells you about sex and do what feels good to you both.
Practice telling your partner what feels good.
Try keeping your eyes open.
Focus on your breath; let your body guide you, not your brain.
If you do not have a partner these exercises can be done alone just as well. You can try these activities through mindful self-pleasure without any fear of judgement.