I don't know about you, but when one of my kids is struggling, my first instinct is to figure out how to help them. I want to fix what's wrong, make things easier and find a solution. I think that's what most of us do as parents. It's hard to see your kids suffering.
When our children are anxious, having meltdowns, refusing to go to school or becoming withdrawn, we try everything. Talking, reassuring, setting boundaries, getting mad, being really kind and everything in between.
And when nothing seems to work, we start wondering if our child needs therapy.
But here's something I've learned: sometimes the most powerful way to help our children is to get support for ourselves.
Just like in our other close relationships, our children can act as mirrors, reflecting parts of ourselves we may not have fully worked through. Their big emotions can trigger our own, and sometimes our reactions have as much to do with what's happening inside us as what's happening with them.
I was reminded of this on the day my kids and I took this photo.
It had been a hard day. We were all dysregulated, triggering each other and getting caught in a cycle that wasn't helping anyone. I could feel it happening, and I knew we needed to interrupt it.
So we got outside, changed our environment and did something together to feel better. In years prior, I wouldn't have recognized that this is what I needed to do; rather, I would likely have thought my child was the problem.
And that's something I've learned as a parent. Sometimes the biggest difference we can make isn't changing our children's behaviour. It's changing how we respond.
We have more influence on their emotional state. We're the people our children turn to for safety, connection and guidance. Long before they can regulate their own emotions, they rely on us to help them, so we need to make sure we're in a position to do this as much as possible.
That's why I believe working with parents can be one of the most powerful ways to help children. The impact extends far beyond the therapy room because we have opportunities every single day to put what we learn into practice.
So if you're feeling stuck, exhausted or worried about your child, you don't have to figure it all out alone.
Our children don't need perfect parents. They need supported, emotionally regulated ones. And sometimes, the best way we can help our children is to start with ourselves. Ready to get started?